Decision

This is hard. How can an indecisive person make the biggest decision which affects her future later?
Lol. I've been making all the decisions since I was small. Me. Alone.
What's the big deal? Sometimes, I hate this. My parents are giving me too much freedom.
And I know most of the teenagers want their freedom so badly. But I don't.
Dad and Mom seldom have discussions with me. They work. Especially my mom. She always remembers the stuff of her work, and forgets about me. That's sad.
I honestly felt down these days. About scholarships.
When I got to the scholarships interviews, it was so obvious that I was doing everything on my own.
My parents didn't accompany me to those interviews. Who did? My uncle and aunt.
Tell you what. They were more excited than my own parents when they knew I stood a chance for those scholarships. They brought me to get some formal attire. Discussed how to perform well during the interviews.
Asked about what I want in the future. My aunt explained about the different prospects of professions. Loads of things...
But my parents weren't involved in all of the occasions above. How disappointing... I need a shoulder to lean on now. Hate crying. ;(
My purpose of moving to JB was to be with Dad and Mom. Because they left me with my grandma in hometown since like forever. I wanted to spend quality time with them. And I realized I was wrong. It's like I've been living alone these years in a different place. We are a family. But we don't live like a family. Ironic. Lol.
So I asked advices. Mostly from friends. Not my parents. And I still can't make up my mind.
I don't know what I want exactly. People tell you to go for what you love. 'Remember, not about money.' The reality is cruel. If you already have money, of course you don't have to think about that. You can do anything you want to. My worry now is not about money though.
I doubt about my ability. Doctors. Before you becoming one of them, ask yourself. Do you have the perseverance? I keep asking myself. Lol. I don't know. Do I? And I wonder what kind of lifestyle I want to live next time. I don't wanna be that busy. I want to get married in time and have kids before I become an old lady. That's a woman's greatest career in her lifetime. Haha. I wish I could be a psychiatrist. So I must undergo medicine studies before doing that. And now. There's another choice for me. A teacher or lecturer. Gosh. Big difference. A teacher's life is relaxing. Shit. I love to relax. Oh man, I SERIOUSLY CAN'T MAKE THE DECISION! I don't wanna regret for this after choosing the path to go. Fingers crossed. Please, God bless me.