Unpredictable.

          Life's like this. It gives you no warning and slaps you in the face like it wants to wake you up from dreams. The news saying that grandpa has passed away was pretty shocking, though he had been immobile since his second stroke a couple of years back then. But I did not drop a tear when I received my mom's call. I even hesitated, thinking whether I should return to attend his funeral. I did not want to skip classes (there's in fact no big deal of skipping lectures but my own principle was turning my head around). I felt so unfilial for even think twice and having that kind of thoughts. 

          When I arrived at midnight, I was stunned by the funeral setting. I saw my grandma walking out very slowly from the house and then she started to break down in tears. I could not recall but I thought that was the first time I witnessed her crying so hard. She has become so thin compared to the last time we met. Although the ambience was filled with sorrow, I did not cry when I saw her crying and when I looked at my grandpa's dead body (he left peacefully, we could see it from his face). I did not see my relatives cry either. Everybody was just really tired. 

          There were many procedures to be done and pantang-larang to be followed during the funeral. I do not know how to explain those restrictions though. So let us drop that. At nights, we had a lot of praying and burning sessions. Aside from those, we served the guests with food and drinks. Well, we actually felt that we were having party. What we treated our stomach were roasted pork, seafood, durians, etc... We kept joking about grandpa would be very disappointed seeing us so happy partying there. Anyway, I believe he would not want us to be too upset about his death. 

          On the day of his burial, everybody sank into deep sorrow and let the emotions run wild. There was one procedure which we were required to call out his name and ask him to rest in peace before sealing the coffin. No one could stand it any more and finally we all cried. One of my cousins was so agitated. She shouted out 'grandpa' a few times very loudly. I never saw her behaving like that. She was the one who asked me if I had cried when I received the bad news and told me that she reacted similarly. But then she added so much sadness to the situation at that moment. Besides, there was a modern live band playing emo musics. The saxophone... goodness.

          We paraded halfway to the graveyard and were picked up by a bus which was arranged earlier. And then I realized that it was the school bus which I had been sitting throughout my primary school life. The bus driver was still the same uncle. I asked him if he could recognize me. He thought for a while and said, "You duduk dengan nenek kan?" I was like, "Yes yes yes." Well, God always gives you surprise in life. I got to re-experience the old good times on this kind of occasion. Don't you think it was a little inappropriate? Lols. 

          The whole week has slipped through just like lightning. Everything happened in a blink of eyes. To me, it is better to care for the living than the dead. We are worried about my grandma since she is all alone now. No, not really. I am sure that my aunts will take good care of her. My cousins, too, will always visit her. I would like to accompany her but my studies do not allow. God, please keep an eye on my dearest grandma. She was the one who raised me up (yeah, not my parents). I still remember during the graduation ceremony in Standard 6, my teacher invited her to give out the prizes to me and my friends. That was epic. I appreciate what she gave to me, for shaping me into who I am today. There was a moment when she was crying so hard and my reflex walked me towards her (I was surprised too) and comforted her while the others did not bother (cause they were crying at the same time). 

          Many things are indescribable. What I know is that, my grandmother gave more than my parents did and I really love her (I actually wrote about her in my SPM English essay. Cool?). God bless her. Also, I will try to love everyone who's around me, be it friends or family. Life would be such a waste if I take them for granted. By the way, I thought I would be better than okay but I realized that I was being a little too quiet these days. I have no idea why. Back to the original me?