Don't Quit.

You don't want people to see your most fragile side.

Nevertheless, it's inevitable if God wants to reveal it.

That night, needless to say, was a damn dramatic night.  

Emotion explosion didn't only shock my housemates, also myself. 

Sorry that I wasn't under control as I'd been holding on for quite a while already.

First time ever, I dashed out from the jail-like so-called house. Mok followed. 

In fact, she was the person who's supposed to run out. 

What a twist of the story. 

I felt like quicken my pace so that I could get lost from her sight. 

But I couldn't dump her alone even though I needed a dark corner to be flooded with my tears. 

With my Ipod on, I could still hear my cries, and also Mok's footsteps behind. 

We walked to the park where we always hanged out and loitered. 

Approached empty swings but spotted a couple dating there.

'' Shoot. Get a room. Right now, I need that more than you do. Ish. -.- Go another direction. "
Finally we settled down at the private swing in the corner of the park.

Cried the most heart-aching cries, no one could see it but my head was shaking in my heart. 

Hopelessness was the remaining emotion that ran wild at that time. 

Thanks for giving me a hug Mok although it seemed a bit Les. Eww. And I felt sorry for wetting your sleeve. 

Other than this mushroom, there was another person appeared all of a sudden.

We could hardly bump into him in the park by chance. Why that night?! 

This guy passed by us talking to the phone. Mok and I freezed. If not mistaken, both of our jaws dropped.

I was like: '' WTH! He can't see me, he can't see me. " I prayed hard and managed to hold my breath and tears at that moment. 

'' Pheww. Lucky. Just don't let him walk back here. Lol. '' Continued with my cries. 

'' Hey. '' Time wasn't even tickling.

God was making fun of me. '' You gotta be kidding me. No way. ''

I turned my head. Okay, doomed. -.-

Mok's and my heart talked, '' It's fate. LOL. ''

Drama went on. Everything came to the surface. 

I liked it when everyone was speaking their true selves.

God knows that I love my friends. Especially when they talk to me. I mean, Talk. 

Mok gave me a hug, and now I offered one for this friend. 

The concern and love were transferred and they would come back to you. It is all about give-and-take. 

I found that I liked hugging people nowadays instead of speaking. 

Words give one chance to hurt people orally.

Embrace doesn't require words, thus you have no opportunity to spout nonsense. 

Plus, the support is much more solid than spoken language. 

So there goes another episode of my life story. 

25/3/2012 I will remember that night, no doubt about that. 

I don't even think I can forget it until I get Alzheimer's disease. Lol.

One of the best quotes that I would like to share with you here.

Guys, get a reward from it.

I wish you, you and I are able to overcome the obstacles. God bless us. 

Till then. 

I chose not to join as I have no more energy to get furious anymore. 

I'm exhausted.

Believe it or not,

I can cry really A LOT. 

Tears tend to well up my eyes at every and any moment.

Let's see when would I become numb and tearless. 

Call them, Carmen. Call.

A list of people to be phoned. 

I need to talk to them, to get a solution. 

Parents and Aunt

I have to do this. 

'' Hey, you two. Don't put high expectations on me. ''

Am I going to drop them down harder at this moment? While everything's in a mess?

Gosh. It's really driving me crazy. 

Friends

Teenagers treat friends as their best harbour to 'invest' thoughts. Mostly secrets.

I do the same. But to save costs, I'm trying on skype nowadays. -.-"

In fact, I have no idea who to speak to now as I've been telling them the same things. 

Everyone gets bored listening to the similar topics, even the best listener.

Real Man

I miss his voice. This man always supports us no matter how low we fall.

In his eyes, we are his children. Still remember last time when he talked about the exam results, 

'' Don't worry about it. Even if you don't get A+, you're all A+ students in my heart. SPM is not a measure of how excellent you are. ''

He has the power to influence people - his students. 

I clearly know about what I'm going to tell him. And I know that I'm going to talk in tears.

He must be aww-ing again, with the omg-my-dear-kamendong-don't-be-silly tone. 

I love him so much. I am too lucky to have such a supportive and admirable teacher in my life. 

Without him, I wouldn't be me today. 

God or Devil

This has to be done as fast as possible before all are fixed. 

It gave you a great opportunity to climb the stairs of success.

However, it placed you in the Road-not-taken position. 

We have become the lab rats. I, even worse, being in the same situation at the wrong timing and wrong place. 

What to do. Fate brings us together to fight through this. 

I wish to fight till the end with you all, mates.

But I'm not dealing with it only. I can't afford more sacrifice. 

I might or might not staying in with you guys. Either one of it has its pros and cons.

For now, I pray the best for all of us. 

I'm gonna start off with one of the above.

The right time has arrived. I have to do something. 

Carmen, pluck up the courage. Tell them this: '' Watch me. ''

Uglify to forget.

My new friends here are lucky enough to see me acting ugly.
We have been doing videos for projects.
And I first time got to be an ugly character in this kinda stuff.

I could even volunteer myself to do something that I used to avoid last time.
Perhaps, it's one of the ways that I found new to forget temporarily about everything.
By indulging in another character, I'm allowed to not be myself for a moment.

I'm a clown. And I enjoyed it.
It's true. I don't care about image anymore.

Because what really matters now is pride, is dignity.
The society teaches us how to protect ourselves by coarsening us with challenges and toughening us with hardships.

Some of the mankind are inhuman.
They don't give a damn about betrayal and treat you like you're trash.

You meant it. Even if you didn't, you never showed your sincerity to solve it.
YOU bring up all the problems. YOU break this family. Shame on you.

No one would respect you if you yourself don't respect others, even if you're senior.
YOU make them suffer. YOU are to blame.

I frankly salute you. You can live like there's nothing happen all of these times.
You still have 'face' to appear in front of us.
Do you ever feel ashamed? 



I WISH YOU LIVE HAPPILY WITH THEIR HARD EARNED MONEY SIR.

某年某月某一天

Someone has already walked into my life.

And I wonder, did I walk into his? 

某年某月某一天

2005 

代表学校参赛。

就在这么值得回味的一天，我认识了你们。

虽然来自不同学校，可是大家相当投契。

这场相识在脑海中已经变得模糊，但它从来没消失过。

原来，它默默地引领我到几年后的邂逅。

一切，都是我的主动引起的。

事实上，我发誓，我只想找回一位朋友，

一位萍水相逢，却又多年不见的朋友。

地点是巴士上还记得第一次见面的他是个胖子。

这个胖子啊，超幽默的！

我还真的不得不承认他有多么风趣，真叫人深刻印象。

2011

高中毕业，原以为大半年会过着平静的生活。

生日前与白雪公主聚头后，这位胖子竟闪过我脑袋，便打算联络回他。

没想到如此单纯的念头，生活开始增添了一些些甜蜜。

这位仁兄变得很不一样！人家说女大十八变，怎么男生的转变也让人惊叹？

他忘记我们怎么认识彼此了，却记得我的名字。

男生的话怎么能相信。抱歉咯。

是化学效应吧？我们每天都写信息。

我觉得，就像情侣之间，睡醒聊到又入睡。

即使对方很忙，那阵子就是这样度过。

终于，我们约出来见面了。

那时他才刚从泰国潜水回来，是真的去考执照哦。

上机前一分钟他还显得不舍得关掉手机。

约会细节我就不再多说了。

在那几个月里，我发现他的思想比同龄男生成熟。

说真的从他身上，我学到不少东西。

原以为他是随便对女生打情骂俏，花心大萝卜一个。

但我肯定他不是。

转眼间，他飞到澳洲升学了。

他离开后，我才发现自己已经习惯了他的存在。

虽然只是通信息，我不能停止想念。

我怀念前几个月的时光。

2012

网络的发达，拉近了世界各地的距离。

偶尔，我和他还是会聊天。互动依然活跃。

可是慢慢的，寒嘘温暖变少了。

到底对方是怎样想的呢？

要我等你，是说真的吗？

这故事还有续集吗？

有时候心花怒放；有时候心灰意冷。

不管怎样，我想，我还是会想念同一个人。

这个人又会否挂念我？

Childhood buddies.

I'm a star.
A genius. A sweet sister. A good friend. A cheerful girl.
I'm a little girl among them.

Everytime I face something, they always stand right beside me.
You might wonder how?
It's not that we keep in touch frequently.
We just chat on occasions.

We grow together.
Perhaps that's the reason why we are still close even we're far apart.

Tonight, one of them tried so hard to throw jokes.
He knew that I'm not doing well.
What he did was only with one purpose - to cheer me up.

'Did you smile?' he said. 'I just wanna make you laugh.'

My heart echoed, 'You don't have to. Talking to you does, and that's all I need.'

This guy can really make my day!

Momo stalker speaking here.

Hmm. I watched a video of his drama.

And what I realized was that I almost forget his sexy deep voice.

Hahaha. Just wanna tease him in case he sees this. ;)

Man, how many girls did you hug?

Nope I'm not jealous. I liked that.

I like how kisiao is the Aussie kisiao acting.

He never fails to make me smile. Or laugh.

I felt his stress. Must be difficult at times.

Okay, you're more pro at motivating people. Maybe it's just me?

No matter how suffocating life is, remember you're not alone. :)

We're all striving hard for academic performance and life, not forgetting 'ldr'. 

Are you not gonna inform me that your homecoming is delayed?

Or you want me to visit The Verve Apartment?

:)

Aussie guy missed me I suppose.

Ingredients in Life.

All of 'em. Are the bestest friends of mine.

These awesome girls are part of my family, other than my parents.

They are what I have in JayBee.

Day One

I'm glad that our gaodryness made her day!

It also made mine.

This clever girl,

she has become the one that I always meet once I arrive home.

Priority for her.

Some more blame me not wearing pretty clothes.

I was like WTH! I did! 

I don't care. I know she can see this.

Just wanna let her know that she's wrong. CWX. Guilty now? HAHA :P

Day Two

This little princess is hard to date.

She's always unavailable like Digi. -.-"

Fortunately this time Uncle was so kind, let her out for meeting me.

I used to envy her because she's born with a good life, in a wealthy family. 

 After a year,

I heard lots of breaking news from this girl.

The conclusion is: Anne's grown up! I felt her maturity. :) 

Day Three

We painted nails. Laughed like nuts.

We chatted thousands of things.

Mostly, I talked. About what I'm facing today.

I'm so sorry that I'm no more the cheerful me inside.

Cried how many pails of tears in front of them?

They are still so supportive as usual.

I love them so damn much.

Also, it's been a year since I last met Teng.

The brave girl who I admire a lot! 

Wanna know why? The answer's in my blog.

She has gone through one huge obstacle in her young life.

We have similar problem, but she's much more courageous than I am.

God bless her.

Day Four

I met with Eddie.

And missed the chance of seeing Soong.

My buddies always love me.

They treat me like their sister since primary school.

I'm always the purest me with them around.

Night Four

Had dinner with JoeYee tonight.

We went to Mount Austin.

Surprisingly, she talked non-stop today.

We told each other about our random thoughts and stuffs.

Few hours just slipped in a blink of eye.

Although it's just a brief while, I enjoyed it.

As you can see, no picture's with her.

I forgot to take any! 

My cook book is filled with these best ingredients and spices.

Without them, my life would be meaningless, my life would be empty.

Many of them have become the pillar in my life.

Back in reality.

Life has been treating me very badly lately.

It slapped me in the face like a King punishing his slave.

Everything went smoothly this weekend nevertheless.

I've got to remove something from my to-do list.

I tried to find the way out of it.

Well, there's no turning point now.

I accept the fact.

It's not the end of the world yet.

I just hope they can be strong and tough. 

When you reach a closed door, God will open a window with the scenic view.

We are all gonna be okay.

We are still alive, and WE WILL SURVIVE.

Hell yeah.

Everybody hates exams.

I hate exam too, for one good reason - FATNESS.

This, is the evidence.

When I burn midnight oil, I tend to eat to stay awake.

Dinner.

It has been instant-noodles weeks since... ? 

Food casts aside stress and tension, at least for a little moment. 

Without these snacks, I cannot even survive a night.

Now, I'm having a packed to-do list for post-exams.

1. Meet up with Cherry Bang and other sisters.

Miss them so damn much! 

2. Family discussion. 

Huge problem. Hope that we can sit down and talk.

3. Date a lovely aunty.

She's rich fyi.

4. Make up my mind.

No more Dr. Perhaps.

5. Call JPA.

Bunch of unsolved questions.

6. Spend time with dad & mom.

I love them, I swear.

7. Sing.

Anytime, anywhere! It's a must!

8. Cry.

One of my 'hobby'. Lol.

9. Learn some new songs.

Update more.

10. Keep fit.

Get rid of exam-fat.

11. Shopping.

Kacau my mommy. 

12. Go outdoor!

There's no fresh air in KL babe. -.-

13. Let me think about it. 

Many undone will be done. ;)

Today.

Let's strive hard for chemistry. 

*Fingers crossed*

Music-Man II Concert.

He screamed out 'Homaniacs' twice!

Meaning, he was calling at me too since I'm one of them now. 

Haha. 

Stalker I am.

He actually circled the venue,

and made every single fan watch him right in front of their eyes!

If I were there too... omg.

Heard that Hilton Hotel is not far from my place. 

So close and yet so far! 

Leehom, I can feel your existence! Lols!

If I were to attend this concert,

I'll be doomed.

Never mind.

Me just wait for another new concert tour then. 

See that, he even recorded a video!

I'm sure there were a lot of surprises, according to the fans who attended!

Leehom, Music-Man rocks!  

' Saya cinta padamu! ' 

I'll bring your words for some luck in the exam.

God bless me.

Inspiring.

In This Song by Charice.

This is for you and I,

in the face of all the problems and challenges. 

It's definitely a tough task to fight against the hard times

especially when you are alone.

Helplessness?

Then.

'' Just sing this song,

and it takes me right back where I belong.

And everyday there's a new bridge to cross, but I never far from home.

I give my heart, my soul, my own... 

In this song... ''

Her voice wins my heart.

Alright, I'm dwelling on bad news lately. 

I'm hiding the tears behind my eyes all the while. 

Hard work didn't pay off. 

I suppose it's the incident to blame. 

Or am I looking for excuses? 

Anyway and anyhow,

I WILL SURVIVE.